Mimi and I speak regularly, and she knows the facts of my
former and present life. Formerly, Aron and I were both working, had the HOPE
scholarship and lived, just the two of us, in a tiny, dirty and cheap
apartment. Presently, Aron is the only one with a paying job, we've both exhausted our HOPE hours, and we live, with a baby and a dog, in a larger, clean,
not-as-cheap house. I'm in no way suggesting that the fact that my life has become
more expensive means that I am entitled to financial help from my family—I'm
not entitled to it, and I feel ashamed having to ask. All I'm saying is that if
Mimi doubts that I need the money I asked her son to lend me, then she must be
willfully misunderstanding my empirical situation. I'm also saying that it is
simply unreasonable to not recognize that the Hall family gets poorer as it
grows more mouths and backs and as its working members diminish. That's all I'm saying. But
maybe Mimi isn't being unreasonably skeptical. Maybe she believes I need money
and only questions how I'd spend it.
So, I addressed Mimi's more reasonable worries—that I
wouldn't use the money for school, or worse, that I'm not even in school—with a
single statement. My dad said his mother was skeptical, so I said to my
dad: "If she were willing to lend
me the money, she could pay the school directly." He said, "Would you call and
tell her that?" And because he had so sweetly agreed to help me, even saying
that I wouldn't have to pay him back, I said, "Sure, I'll call her." Essentially what I'm supposed to do is try to borrow money from Mimi instead of
from my dad, but just the idea of asking Mimi for a loan is way scarier than
the reality of asking my dad for one, which was plenty scary itself. She
believes in personal accountability. Her central political tenet is that
able-bodied individuals should work and support themselves. She'd probably tell
me to get a job.
Well, I already thought of that. As soon as I found out that I'm
ineligible for loans this summer, I told Aron I would get a job at a restaurant
and work the nights that he doesn't. He thinks it's a bad idea. He thinks it'd
be bad for our marriage. I think being evicted wouldn't be too good for our
marriage. A strip club downtown called Toppers is hiring; the sign says they're
hiring "any." I asked Aron, "What if I got a job there?" It was a ridiculous
what-if, because we both know that I even hate getting naked for showers, but
Aron responded anyway: "I wouldn't
like it," he said. And I said, "I know you wouldn't. You don't even want me to
get a job in a restaurant." And he said that he doesn't want me to work in a
restaurant because he thinks I don't want to work in a restaurant. I'd only be
doing it, he says, out of financial desperation. Well, yeah. If I worked three,
seven-hour shifts at minimum wage, we'd make close to $500 a month more than we
make now. And Graham goes to sleep early-ish, so I'd only be gone during two of
his waking hours if I worked evening shifts. Getting a job seems like the
logical thing to do.
***************************************************
As I typed what I have written above, I missed a call from
Mimi, who left an impatient-sounding message asking that I return her call,
which I did right away. She agreed to lend me the money and said she wanted to send it directly to me, but I told her that it
turns out that I won't need a loan after all, which isn't altogether true, but
accepting a loan from her is not actually any less unnerving than asking for
one, even though she was very nice about it. (Aron and I have a plan, a good one.) Mimi admitted to feeling reluctant
initially to lend me the money, but she vehemently denied that she doubted I
would spend the money on school. She said she was reluctant initially because
she wanted me to take the summer off. Here's how hard it is to be a
stay-at-home mom: being in a Latin
class four hours a day feels like taking a break. Women who strip surely have
bathroom and lunch breaks. Mothers may, but they also may not.
Mimi asked when I'll graduate and what career I'm pursuing.
These have become extremely vexing questions. I'm trying.
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